Posted here is only a sampling of the thousands of e-mail messages Martha Beck has received in response to Leaving the Saints.

Although we have never met, I just want to offer you my support as "Leaving The Saints" is about to be published. I'm so sorry you have to go through this controversy, but I suppose we should not be surprised. Please know how moved I was by your memoir and pleased I could offer you words of support. You should also know how much I respect your father. He has been a hero of mine for years, his stance on environmental thought, in particular, has been very influential. One of my favorite essays of his on air pollution in Utah Valley we published in an anthology, "New Genesis: A Mormon Reader on Land and Community." When I read the book, I did not know Hugh Nibley was your father. Would it have made a difference to me? Probably not. No family is perfect. Families are so complicated. Understanding is love.

I've had many members of the Church, even among my own family, ask me how I could offer words on your behalf. My response is a simple one. You tell a compelling story of your struggle to find faith and a life of integrity -- this is every woman's story if they are honest with themselves. The physical abuse alongside the spiritual abuse you have gone through is personal -- the struggle to find one's relationship to God and personal peace is a collective story. I share this with you. Much of my own spiritual revolution and evolution was sorted out through my book, "Leap," a seven year study of Hieronymus Bosch's medieval triptych, "The Garden of Earthly Delights."

This is all to say that I honor what you are doing and respect very much your right and privilege to write the book that is in you to write. May you stay strong and know you have the support and love that you need.

Terry Tempest Williams

I was first made aware of your book a few weeks ago when a Mormon friend forwarded me an email asking me to write to Oprah Winfrey and urge her not to feature it as a book club selection. That email had been forwarded to my friend by several other Mormon women, and the attempt to basically ban a book was completely offensive to my soul. I looked up the book and replied to my friend, telling her that I felt the book was an honest telling of one woman's journey and not a full-scale attempt to ruin the church. I also told her readers are capable of taking what they need from the story and leaving the rest, and if anyone was capable of delving into the complexities of as well as finding the strength and beauty in the story it would be Oprah Winfrey. Having left the church over a year ago after over a decade of membership, I was excited to read another woman's story, hoping to identify with parts of it and find myself less alone than I've felt this past year living as an ex-! Mormon (wait, and ex-returned-missionary Mormon!) in Salt Lake City. I ordered the book online and wrote to Oprah, informing her of the little movement to squash the book and asking her to please feature it so others could know they aren't alone either.

My Mormon friend's reaction to my email was sad and typical of many LDS people: she told me she'd read an excerpt and the book was evil. Period.

I got the book Thursday night and finished it just now. Thank you so very much for writing it. I'm sure it will put you on the anger lists of many, but I wanted you to know I found it deeply moving, hysterical, comforting and thought-provoking. I laughed out loud more than once at your fabulous sense of humor and cried at other moments. In leaving the Saints myself, in becoming closer to my true self, I find myself closer to God than I was during several years as a faithful church member. When I was Mormon I thought God could only love me if I did all the things on the laundry list of righteousness mandated by the church. Ironically in contemplating leaving the church, during a prayer I felt an unconditional acceptance and encouragement to follow my own path wherever it leads, that God would be there no matter what. I have found that to be true. While a small group of LDS friends here - all, interestingly, women - have reacted to my leaving church in ways ranging from indifference to support to leaving it themselves to envy, your book helped me feel less alone on my path. My experiences are different than yours but breaking free from a very protective, close-minded group of people yields many of the same emotions. I've already recommended your book to three friends who left the church, some of whom experienced sexual abuse at the hand of a parent. I hope they will feel as comforted as I have by it.

I wish you love and peace and luck on your journey down your stream. And I thank you for helping to strengthen me on mine.

Name Withheld By Request

You are a disgusting piece of filthy garbage.

Scott44lds

From what I've read, you've been through the temple, you've experience all that we have, you KNOW what REALLY goes on and you know the truth, yet you make up these stories and lies, hoping to make a bestseller list with your book? You're an idiot Martha, just because a couple of people offended you, doesn't mean that all Mormons are that way. You're small minded and very selfish. I will smile the day you burn in hell for all the lies you've made up. You must really be friends with Satan, oh wait no, you must be screwing Satan - is that it? Is he promising you salvation if you write this book and screw him? Shame on you Martha, you know better.

Nathanael & Melissa S.

I'm in the middle of Nebraska, with a relatively low LDS population here, but the women come into my office and tell the similar story. I've run into the story you told (clearly, with different details) so many times before..somehow they find me and I'm not LDS. Here, in the middle of nowhere... I suspect it's happening everywhere there are repressive and dogmatic religious structures in place.

As a therapist who specializes in trauma, (who does not use hypnosis and by the way, there are no codified 'memory retrieval' therapies, no matter what the false memory people rant about), and who has worked with a proportionately high number of LDS women in my area of the country, this account has the ring of painful, undeniable truth. Don't be dissuaded by the frenzied folks who, with little experience or knowledge, say "it just can't be true." This reads like the real deal and several of the women I've been privileged to work with could have written a nearly identical account (their fathers were not Hugh Nibley, but other than that...)While the therapist described in her book appears to be lacking in decent trauma training, professionality, and even some ethical gaps, that doesn't discredit Martha's account of her childhood sexual abuse.

Drop your false assumptions, people!

A) Sex offenders do not look or act unusual most of the time. Their #1 agenda is to be able to do more of what they want (offending), so they usually appear within normal limits of regular society. If they all wore trench coats, drooled and lurked in alleys, it would be SO much easier to nab them...

B)The first thing most offenders do after victim selection is to DISENFRANCHISE THEIR VICTIM, which means make them unbelievable...so that if and when the victim does disclose, nobody gives credence to their claims. This furthers the perps' #1 agenda...to be able to do more of what they want. Martha has been seriously disenfranchised by her family and most of the LDS. That adds credence, not diminishes it.

C)Physical evidence, such as perineal scarring, speaks more to the offender's "skill" level (or lack thereof). Some children have it, some don't. Many offenders make the children do things to the offender's body, so no evidence, but it still counts as sexual abuse!

D) The power differential is *always* present. Hugh's standing in the community makes him a more invulnerable offender, because who would believe a child over someone like him? (see #1 agenda above). In my clinical experience, I have seen the gamut from homeless, predatory sex offenders to a number of high powered, respected professionals in the community. There are all kinds and church people are not immune.

E) Family members not backing her up does not mean it didn't happen, it means they may not have seen it, were raised in a religious/family/social culture such that what happened to her was considered normative, or it can mean that her dad just targeted one child. That happens. Remember that offenders don't usually drag the kid into the front living room in front of witnesses! It's more often a sneaky, planned, careful kind of crime that occurs in the silences, not in front of the audience.

F) "False Memory" is bunk, there is no such clinical syndrome...it's not REAL, and the people who developed the theory include some unsavory types such as NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) board members who are working, as sex offenders do, to further their access and ability to offend. Some of the people involved with the so-called false memory "syndrome" have their own agendas -- they or a family member have been accused of offending and gee, that's not a conflict of interest, is it? to say that "no I didn't and some bad therapist planted it in you." Gosh I just wonder why they might be motivated to create a false 'syndrome'...

G) Study something about memory and how its action works before you start popping off about how people "don't recover repressed memory." Yeah, they DO...some folks have a continuous memory and never forget. Others shut it away in the back of their mind until they've come to a place in their lives where they're strong enough and ready to deal. It happens both ways, but a clinical reading of Martha's account shows the many ways her trauma was sneaking around the edges and slipping out before she even knew, consciously, what was going on. That also reinforces the truth of her account.

Shari S.

In the 1980's my husband and I discovered our son-in-law and others in our ward in Bountiful had abused seven of our grandchildren (his own four children and his nieces and nephews) as well as other children in the neighborhood. Among the participating adults in this "sex ring" were the daughter and son-in-law of an Apostle of the Mormon Church [name withheld]. About six years later, we discovered our son-in-law had also abused three of our daughters when they were small children when he first met our daughter whom he married. Ours is a horrific story and pretty complex. Our lives and those of our entire family were blown apart. To some extent, they still are although I believe most of our family is at a very good place now... The reaction of LDS ward, stake and general authorities was appalling...I share this morbid tale with you so you can know how much your book has meant to us. My approach to child abuse has always been skeptical caution until the facts are known. Martha, dear child, I know you were abused by your father in the nightmarish ways you remember. Your story rings totally true to me, and I assure you, many people's do not. I understand why you had to write it and I believe it will be a gift to many people including perhaps, in time, some in your own family of origin and certainly your own children...Your openness has to be an example to all the "church intellectuals" teetering on the edge of despair.

The Church has certainly improved in its attitudes about abuse and I believe has been forced to be less protective of perpetrators among its members and more realistic about the extent and nature of abuse among the Saints. But in a system where image must always come first, there's a long way to go. Hopefully, you've given them a shove along the way.

Name Withheld By Request

Recovering Mormon; that's what I call myself! I'm into my tenth year and I'm still trying to shed my Mormon fear and guilt. I just read your book, Leaving The Saints, in two days, and wanted to send you an email. I'm so thankful that you are here today, and were able to publish this book. I related to so many feelings and experiences in this book that I had to write you to thank you for having the strength and the intellect to write a book that I or others would not have been able to accomplish.

I grew up in a small Utah town in a Mormon family where my birth-father sexually abused my older sister's and the neighborhood children. The church also turned a blind eye and chastised my Mother for divorcing him and told her that she was over-reacting. My neighbor was never excommunicated and he made all three of his daughters pregnant. There was also a local church member who owned a health food store where he sold candy to children with promises of more candy after he was able to get down their clothing. For 30 years this man reigned terror on the girls in the neighborhood and he was never ex-communicated because the bishops felt like he was "really" trying not to "tickle" so hard. He even came over to the victims home with a Home Teacher to apologize to the victims parents. These victims were my friends in the Young Women's, and they still are having trouble today. Over all those years, not one single bishop did anything.This after having full knowledge of what this man was doing. Some of the victims were the bishops daughters. The police were never called and this man was never dis-fellowshipped or ex-communicated even after four various church courts. I was so full of anger over this, I felt like I was trapped in crazy land. I could not handle the fact that my own Mother (who divorced a pedophile) could not understand my anger over why the women in the church were not being protected. I got in so many arguments with my Mother and Step-Father over these men and why the bishops weren't listening to these women. My parents just kept telling me that the bishops were "men of god" and that they are doing what the lord advises. I said, " Well I don't want to be part of a church where a god doesn't protect women or children". What's the point of going to church and singing all those primary songs about loving one another and families can be together forever while the local pedophiles are winking at you from the next pew? I wasn't even a victim of abuse and I was still totally full of hate and anger. Which to this day my parents cannot quite understand? They are convinced I'm hiding a big secret. It's not a secret, I want the candy man outta the church to protect the female friends I love!

As soon as I turned 18, I packed my belongings and left the Zion Curtain, hoping for a better life and church in Seattle, Washington.
Unfortunately going to church in another state still brought the same stories. Nothing cures your depression by telling the story of having a pedophile father and hearing stories hundred times worse.

At the time that I was abandoning the church, I was blessed to have a spouse who was right along side with my decision. It was a great feeling to tell my husband that I was not returning to church and have him give me a high-five in agreement. That was ten years ago and we've never looked back. It's been very hard for our families and there has definitely been a separation. Several members of the church have reminded us that we are doomed to hell. I remind them that I will no longer belong to a church where females cannot hold the same positions as men. When that type of inequality occurs, than abuse against women and children is able to reign, and I will no longer be silent. I'm blunt and mouthy about all my family pain and life dealings with abuse and I will no longer be SILENT.

Marsha T.

I have read the book in all it's glory. I, too, have been a victim of the LDS church. The church covered up child molestation on the part of my ex husband. He has continued to hurt others by his complete lack of empathy. I left the church a couple of years ago because of the complete lack of empathy on the part of church officials in regards to victims of abuse on the part of their priesthood holders. If we think the Catholic church cover up is huge I would bet it does not compare to the abuses being covered up by the LDS hierarchy. We had been taught to not ask questions of the esteemed and mighty brethren. We had been taught not to ask questions period on anything that "might look bad for the church".
The part of your book that helped me the most is when you talked about a professor pointing out the "circular logic" church members engage in. I am absolutely floored that I engaged in that kind of "magical thinking" for so long. Martha, thank you, thank you, thank you for giving women who have not found within themselves, yet, the profound courage you possess a voice. The voice I refer to is that "still, small voice" within ourselves that we all have. Thank you for giving us "permission" that we could have given ourselves to listen to that voice within at all costs. Not only to listen, but to follow it to reach our full blessed potential as cherished women of a loving God. I applaud you and your decision to share the most profound parts of yourself in order to help thousands of others find their own true voice!!

Liz W.

I grew up in Idaho and had many Mormon friends as a child. As an adult I've always wondered how so many intelligent and educated people could be so "gullible". I now feel like I understand why it is so difficult for people on the inside to ask the questions that seem so obvious to us on the outside.
My best friend started coming home with me (sometimes for weeks at a time) when we were in fifth grade. She was escaping from horrific sexual abuse in her home. She has spent 50 years recovering and trying to help her family heal. Like you, she is a shining light. She was always able to keep a
piece of her soul separate and safe. Like you she is funny and courageous. Like you she is a wonderful mother. I admire you both more than I can say.
You are so much more than survivors. You are living examples of the power of joy and forgiveness.

Sandra W.

I was converted to Mormonism in 1964. I had been married in 1958. The man I married was a controller, mental, verbal and emotional abuser and in 1978, my 16 year old son's girlfriend called me on a Thursday in November to tell me what my husband had been doing to my son for over 8 years and much more.

I went into shock as I was so naive! I had no one to call but my Bishop. He left his job and came to my house and while wringing his hands asked me if I would like to read the Book of Mormon and pray!!! I let him know in no uncertain terms I had no interest in either, but wanted to know what to do. He told me not to call the police, but to call my husband and ask him to come home.

Long story short, we met with the Stake President who told my husband that Heavenly Father was so pleased that he had come forward and confessed! The President went on to say that my husband shouldn't do that anymore and then turned to me. My mind was swirling - for years I had done everything I could to make certain I was doing the "right thing" as my leaders directed. Now I was hearing an absolute lie which was compounded by the President telling me to forgive my husband and go home and be a good wife!!!

Later that night in bed - I was a far away as I could get in a full size bed - my husband told me that if I gave him what he wanted he wouldn't have to use my son! That's just the surface. I had no where to go, no job skills, one daughter in college and 3 kids at home and had been so beaten down that my self image was nil. . . .

All over this world, children are victims of ignorant, self righteous, misguided and sick people who by virtue of nature are able to produce them. . . . I applaud your courage in writing this book and in addition to coming out as the person you were born to be.

Phyllis D.

I have not read your book, but do intend to. I am very aware of some of the practices of the Mormon church through my daughter in law who was raised in the Mormon Church. Her brother was bishop of his ward for some time. There were two instances of men molesting their daughters and, in at least one instance, a friend of one of the daughters. Both men were never prosecuted because no one would testify against them. Her brother, the bishop, said to his sister "it would be taken care within the church, we will pray for him and counsel him." The incidents were reported to authorities by a school nurse.

Beth C.

Today I bought two copies of Leaving the Saints for two reasons: I was intrigued by the (negative) attention it has been given; and being the one out of six children in my family that everyone wishes would just shut up and I do pretty much any more...otherwise they are just so uncomfortable.

I am only 50 pages in but have laughed, cried so hard that I cannot see the words on the page and a bit freaked out by the oil on the naked body deal.
My parents and one of six sibling are temple goes/workers...but OF COURSE I can't ask any questions...I've learned!

Anyway I just want to give you my love and support. It must hurt to have your siblings write their collective negative statement about your book and then have your father pass in the same week. Reading how you felt his spirit made me cry and cry...tears of joy! I can feel from you that you "forgive everything" and understand your families fears even if it hurts you.

I am 41 year old single mother with strong pioneer heritage...good blooded Mormon heritage. I had my name removed from the church records nine years ago for two specific and sort of strange reasons: one I saw McDonalds changing their sign to "one billion sold" and something said...don't be one of the one billion sold in the Mormon Church and also the suicide of my nephew...when the family printed in his obit "member of the church of jcolds..." and that was it, I was out. I was angry for a long time...an "x"
Mormon as Sunstone called you in their review...but would now consider myself more of a "post" Mormon. My current favorite teacher is Eckhart
Tolle.

Your book so far is sweet, sad, funny and enlightening...so THANK YOU!

Anne J.

For five years, I've worked as a treatment provider with sex offenders--two years in Colorado and three years in Utah. Those who were members of the Mormon Church were more upset with themselves for bringing a negative light on the church than what they had done to a human being. That they had let the Church down, and although they had, some would struggle, and many never understood or acknowledged the pain they caused the victim. I was dumbfounded, because I never heard this kind logic until I moved to Utah to practice. The only sadness that these sex offenders had was the black eye they gave the church, never thinking about how destructive their behaviors were on the their purposely groomed victims. When confronted with this they looked at me as if I was a the devil. These were people who admitted to their perpetration, and very few of them understood that the church is not hurt. It was their victim that was forever effected by their sinister actions.

It is not uncommon in my work that only one member is perped on while the rest of the children may not have been. However, in most cases, the family digs in their heals to defend the perp beyond the normal limits of logic, as well as blame the victim, and accuse the victim of being crazy . . . On several occasions during investigations, I was threatened with my life, and my children's lives too. Scary feeling when some one threatens your children. Currently I have to take precaution with my family to protect them (a fact that I hate).

I send my support to you for your courage and articulate disclosure.

Name Withheld By Request

I received this forwarded message encouraging me to try and stop the Oprah show from spending time on your book. I thought it would be of interest to you. IMO it tells these women what to think about your book and what to say about it, without even reading it. Having found my own way out of Mormonism myself (partially for what it does to women) and having a strong interest in feminism and religion, I look forward to reading your book. Thank your for your courage and effort to help make this world better,

Samuel S.

My own spiritual journey (via the leaf in the stream?) has led me through your columns in Oprah and The Joy Diet directly to Leaving the Saints. I
have just completed the book and wanted to send you a big email HUG and a thank you for your brave, brave book.

I spent many years as a bread-baking, garment-wearing Mormon wife, smile glued in place as I wept silent tears of despair for the secrets I could
tell to no one. I finally came forward and hit the wall of male protectiveness that envelops the church, eventually leaving the church over the indifference to abuse.

I want you to know that your story resonated with me on so many levels (Ioved your Allusion Manager, especially the Tempest/Lear exchange with your
father). The book confirmed my own recent conclusions after reading some non-church-published church history. I am sad about the years when I chose
not to see what what right in front of me. You have given me courage.

Claudia R.

I was wondering if there was anyway you could pick emails to favor yourself anymore than you do. As I read through the comments posted on your website I felt as though the comments posted were heavily laden in your favor. Hmmm.
let's see. I'll post all the email that kiss my own butt and promote myself.
and at the same time, I'll pick all the rotten emails from Mormons to prove my point about them. I feel bad for your family that they have to deal with you and this book, and sad for the Mormon community that will have to defend themselves against all the haters you've created by writing this book.

Jennifer H.

I am a Mormon. I love the church and its doctrines. I think they are true. I also love people, which love I feel to be central to the teachings of the church. I am, therefore, pained by any animosity that you may experience from church members.

I don't feel that I -- or anybody else, really -- am in a position to judge the veracity of your claims. That being the case, I don't believe I can honestly either extol your candor nor condemn you for duplicity. I will say, however, that from what I have read and heard, I tend to think you sincere. And regardless of the extent of sexual abuse, I am more than willing to believe that you suffered significant emotional and psychological abuse being raised in a conservative, orthodox household by a dogmatic father. For that I am truly sorry. No one should be raised in a household where dominion replaces love, and I find that an all-too-common occurence in LDS households.

May God grant you peace, and help you to continue in your forgiveness.

Walker F.

I just wanted to thank you for sharing your story. I am caught in a very similar situation right now with a father who will not admit to his wrongdoings. I understand the complete anguish of not having the validation. Right now, I am searching for an anchor because I am not sure what is true. Its not so much the abuse but the wanting to know why, to know his history so I have some framework within which to place it. You are very brave to take on the Mormon Church as well. I know they have antiquated views on how females should be treated and I can imagine you must have felt alone in your battle. I hope for myself the level of recovery which you have achieved and look forward to reading your book.

God bless.

Linda

It is impossible to express how sorry I am for what you have gone through. I know you haven't written this book to gain sympathy, but when I read the emails from the "loving" members of the church who will be so happy to see you burn in hell, I can hardly let mine end without saying, God Bless You and especially those that persecute you. The moment you scratch the surface of history, the story of Mormonism begins to crumble and that is really scary for people whose entire identity is wrapped up in The Church. I know you know this I just thought I'd say it again in case you post it...

Anyway, I have loved all of your books and columns (even before I knew your were ex-Mormon!) Thanks!

Laura B.

i read everything on the website she had written, then i went to the FARMS site to see what her family wrote and also to read some of her dad's stuff to get a flavor of his thought process for myself...everything about martha, her life, her life in the last ten years, her father's mental processes in his writing and in her storytelling and her siblings' responses rings so true as an almost textbook story of childhood sexual abuse and its devasting sequelae for the victim...and again from a personal standpoint her book will be throughly liberating for people at any point in their own journey towards their own truth...i hope she feels great about her decision to tell her story

Greg S.

Thank you for your willingness to stand, as a woman and a daughter with integrity, up to the very embodiment of the LDS patriarchal society, your father. Your description of the moment you spoke to him in the hotel room made my knees knock and skin shiver. I've only read the items on your website, and the excerpt from your recent book, but am filled with thanksgiving for your trials, courage and resolution to heal.

My story is similar, as are so many, and I'm grateful that you've chosen to speak for so many of us.

Just a brief note about who I am. I am a direct descendant of Joseph Smith (though that in itself is not unique- I believe there are at least 2,500 of us!!!). I left the church and all sense of the Divine when I was 18. Only after a near death experience on the birth of my youngest child at age 38 was I able to accept that perhaps I was loved by a God that cared not for what "religion" I practiced but loved me as I was. My spiritual journey since that time has taken me some unusual places, but the forgiveness and compassion is universal. You speak to that.

Thank you again for using the gift of your voice to give others the courage to sing on their own.

Owaissa C.

Thank you for this literary contribution. You are very brave and an inspiration to all women and men who have been devastated by sexual abuse.
I'm sure this isn't easy, but you are doing the right thing by telling your story. Thank you, thank you. Don't let the Church break your spirit. Ignore the vicious attacks, delete the angry emails, trust in your own goodness. Some people are paralyzed by fear in the face of a sad reality. I'm looking forward to reading your book.

Camryn T.

Wow! finally, a book that just makes a mess out of the entire endowment session! how will your book survive the shelves?
i hope people in other churches will read this book and steer clear of having you attend their services for fear of something sacred, such as temple ordinaces, be laid out for everyone to read about if you ever decide to leave. do us all a favor...if you leave a religion, just leave. don't try to ruin it for the rest of us that have had our lives and families changed for the better. the law entitles you to your opinion, which is great. it's just a shame a great religion is exposed in all it's sacredness because you failed to see the truth behind it.

Velani C.

What you write in your book is a disgrace to not only the Mormon faith but society in general. Why do you chose to taint a faith that millions of women, including myself, count as the greatest influence and gift in their lives? You are entitled to your own beliefs, but the things you write should not be shared in a national book. They are better shared in private with your psychologists to help you appropriately work through the "trauma" the Mormon faith has apparently caused you. Why keep others from experiencing the same joy I and many others find in living the Mormon faith. It is simply wrong and distasteful.

Laura B.

I want you to know that I am offended and feel sorry for you if you sincerely wrote this book and are having it published...You know as well as I do that what you are publishing is a serious untruth and for whatever reason you have felt offended and have left the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints , you will in the future find the monetary gain will not give you the true happiness that the gospel would if you would repent and not let Satin control your soul...

Larry C.

I know that you have doubtless received mountains of hate mail over your upcoming publication. I am a struggling Mormon woman, a feminist with a good education, a long history of frustration and anger at the church, and a good heart trying to do the right thing. I can't wait to read your book.

Martha, I have not read your book, but have read all your others, I subscribe to Oprah magazine, and I believe you. I believe that you are an honest, faithful, sincere woman with a desire to make the world a better place - not hurt people or fabricate destructive stories. Why would you do that? I was also abused, in a way, by the church as a child. As a teenager, I was "courted" emotionally and mentally by the president of the young men's organization, a married man with two children who sent me love letters, parked outside my house in the middle of the night and created fantasies about our love for one another being special. He took advantage of my clinical depression at the time, of my loneliness and my vulnerabilities. He said and did things that were completely unacceptable - breaking of trusted boundaries, and he did them on church time, at church functions, with the church behind him to back him up.

The church found out about his behaviors, the things he had said and done to me, yet, they interviewed ME as though I had tempted him. They grilled me (and my divorced, single mother) as though we had done something together. Planned something. There were no words of comfort, no counseling offered, no women to talk to about it, no loving-kindness. It was as though we had brought the unthinkable forward to them. It didn't help matters that he was from a prominent family in our ward, stake and state, and their family name was being tarnished. NOt only was he not punished, he was not even removed from his position. I had to continue to attend as though everything was fine, and as a result endured his hateful lies, looks and comments - both to my face and behind my back. I was only 15 years old.

I am proud of you for what you wrote, even though I don't yet know what that is. I am proud of you for speaking out about what happened to you, about the ways that the church doesn't deal with problems, and the ways that it places women in a compromised position of authority, power and self-trust. For the longest time I thought that I should just put it all behind me, what I experienced, and let it go, forget about it, not speak of it. You found the strength to move forward in your life. I am still struggling with much bitterness, anger and distrust as a result of my childhood.

I know there will be controversy, harsh words and obstacles put up by people who do not agree with you. But remember that there are many women who will benefit from your writing, who will finally have the strength to come forward and talk about what has happened to them in their lives and gain new hope.

Kyrra R.