Ending the Silence and Speaking Openly

Q: The book is shaped around a meeting with your late father, one in which you both confront him and ask for some sort of reconciliation.

Martha: I felt a strong sense of “resolution” (meaning there was nothing more I could do to mend our relationship) after that meeting with him and after receiving an anonymous, threatening letter indicated that I should “stay away” from my father. Emotionally, I needed to write the story in order to feel completely at peace and free from any anger. So, in a strange way, I already feel reconciled with my father, and feel for him a new, uncomplicated love. I wrote the book to complete the healing process and find closure.

Q: You've said that you had to leave the systems you previously had assumed would provide support—your family and the Mormon Church—when they turned out to be the source of the trauma rather than its cure.

Martha: This irony is true for many people who live in very repressive social systems. It’s called “sanctuary trauma,” and it’s terribly painful. I’m so incredibly blessed to have found loving friends outside my original social context. The spiritual journey I undertook while making the very difficult decision to leave the Mormon church has ultimately brought me to a more loving, joyful relationship to God—and this makes me feel the most blessed of all. I believe that there are many paths to God, and I hope that readers who are also searching for this relationship feel inspired by my book to continue their quest.

Q: The response by some of the members of your family and some Mormons has been incredibly negative. Did you anticipate that you'd be castigated in this way?

Martha: I wrote the book to give myself a voice, but I also wrote it because I know there are many others who've gone through sexual abuse and the same kind of attempts to be silenced. I'm far from the first or only person to be abused and told to stay quiet. I've heard from many Mormons and from people from other backgrounds and religions who've had similar experiences and who've told me that my taking on this subject has made them feel they're not alone.

Q: What is your response to being sought out to hear the stories of abuse others tell you?

Martha: I’m always moved by their trust, though I’m not a trauma therapist, and can’t rescue or heal people no matter how much I’d like to. I always recommend they find a good, qualified therapist who can help them tell their story and come to terms with it; I know that this saved my life. In a safe space, with safe people, they can let time do its slow, healing work. It is possible to find so much meaning in one’s own history that even trauma can become a source of softening and compassion—in other words, a way to genuine joy.