The Challenge of Telling the Story

Q: Leaving the Saints is an often anguished memoir, the kind of book no one wants to have the life experience in order to write. Why did you choose to come forward and tell your story?

Martha: I wrote this book now because I wanted to discuss an experience that taught me more than any other about the power of forgiveness, hope, and compassion. Through my teaching, lectures, and columns, I’ve heard from many people who have felt abandoned, cut off from their spiritual selves by painful experiences, and I hoped that sharing my story would help them achieve the freedom from anger, sense of liberation, and inner peace I’ve been able to enjoy since coming forward with my story.
When I was trying to come to terms with the fact that I was going to give birth to a child with Down Syndrome, an experience I wrote about in Expecting Adam, someone I trust told me, “You’ll never be hurt as much by being open as you have been by remaining closed.” Those are words to live by—I live my life by them, and they’re the basis of all my writing and life coaching.

Q: Has your family responded to the book?

Martha: Some members of my family are upset and are actively working to undermine my credibility, speaking out against the book. But I'll always be grateful to my mother for validating my memories of abuse early on, although she reversed her position when she realized I was going to talk to people outside the family about what had happened.

My siblings are saying that my abuse didn't occur; but sexual abuse is an inherently secretive act. It takes place without others knowing about it, even those living in the same home. My siblings were not with me, or in the house when these things happened. And they know the truth that some of them did support and believe me—until the point it was clear I was going to talk about the abuse outside of the family. They know this and I know this. I understand their need to try and defend my father's reputation; they have many reasons to do so, not least of which includes protecting their standing within Mormon society.
Other family members have supported me, going so far as to call me after years of silence to say they believe me because of their experiences in the family and support me fully. And other people in my family express their belief in the truthfulness of my account privately, but then step back from public support, like an aunt who recently said to a cousin that it was, "too bad Martha had to write about it."

Q: The Mormon Church's reputation is all about positive images of "family," is it not? Don’t you feel your book undermines that?

Martha: Mormonism is strongly interwoven with the ideal of close, loving families. It is one of the things I love about the religion. However, not all families match the ideal, and I think being open about that is a good idea. That said, I didn’t write this book to “bash” Mormonism, and took great pains to give credit to the devout Mormons whose loving, compassionate support of me through a tremendously difficult time embodies all that is good and worthy of emulating in the Church of LDS. I also write very lovingly about my parents and my brothers and sisters in the book and feel I've described my experience of my family accurately.